Noah's Ark

Could Noah build his ark today?
If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.


"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

"Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

"And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

Happy Thanksgiving

I every one has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Ageing Cartoons

Updates all around

Before I start I would like to say it is only a couple weeks early with the Christmas theme.

The kids have been doing well in school. They both got all A's and one B on their report cards. This is the first year Coleman has grades for science and social studies and others like that. Although here recently I have been having trouble getting Cole to bring his homework home. He forgets it at school at least once a week anymore. I'm not sure what to do about this. He will remember part of it but not all of it. He has had a lot of homework. Over the last three weeks he has had three book reports due. Sometimes I think their homework is parents homework with all the crazy projects they have to do. They time lines not long ago and I made Cole do his his self( I helped pick out the pictures) because this was his homework he is to learn from it. When I was at the school for his parent teacher conference I noticed Coleman and one other were the only ones done by the kids. What do you guys think about this kind of stuff? I'm just not sure.

Last Thursday was my nephew Zeke's 1st Birthday. I was glad we made it. I went with the kids. They had a good time. I have never seen a 1st Birthday cake destroyed so well. The cakes were made by my sister Brandee. She is so creative. I love seeing pictures of her latest creations. When it was present opening time Zeke wanted to play with the kids and not open but his sister Avril was all about the presents. She is one of those that makes you feel good about your present because she gets so excited. Below is a couple pictures of Zeke with the cake at the beginning and end. There are more pictures on flickr.

Saturday night I went to the kid's school carnival. We all had fun. Every year each classroom makes up a basket of a theme the class picks. This year Coleman's class picked candles and Sarah's class picked snacks. Each kid brings something in for the basket and in the middle of the carnival they stop the games and auction them off to the highest bidder. The money that the basket is sold for goes to that classroom. It really helps the teacher with supplies and new books. During the auction I ran Miranda home she was getting to be a handful. She does that the more tired she gets the less patience I have. Below are a few pictures. The boy in my picture pick is Hunter a little boy that lives in our trailer park. Sarah and him are good friends. His parents weren't going so I brought him with us also. I know I just like punishing myself by adding more kids. After coming back from dropping Miranda off I was talked into running a game. So we didn't get out of there until they were cleaning things up. Coleman loved it things that were 25 prize tickets when we got there were only 5 prize tickets at clean up go home time. The kids made out with all kinds of little goodies.

Pictures with a Laugh

What an awesome shot.


Does my breath smell?


They can't tell me where I can go.


I love you!


Time for a nap


Stop and smell the roses.


ROSES & HANGING BASKETS

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
With this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit,
Telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams.
These are modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show!'
And out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs,
And the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother
That she has friends coming over
And that it is just not appropriate....
The grandmother says, 'Loosen up, Sweetie.
If you can show off your rose buds,
Then I can display my hanging baskets.

Happy Gardening.

Do I have a booger?

Got Milk?


I don't know why the kitten is screaming my teeth feel better already.


We should all smile more.

Treat or Recall

I was very upset last night to find out after I came home from trick or treating that the fake teeth I gave Coleman to wear were recalled yesterday morning. How did I not hear about this and how many other parents didn't hear about this. Vince said he heard it on his way home. With all things being recalled recently I think I'm going to get the kids tested for lead poisoning. After we got home Vince went around are park with us. We only went to a few houses because the Miranda was on a sugar high and been sneaking into her candy. We went to Busco first because their hours were earlier than ours and it would have been more daylight out. I also have a good friend that I work with we stopped by her house. She gave me and the kids food and drinks. What a sweet heart she is. Below is a short video I took at the second house we visited. I must say it was shortly after that, that Miranda started asking people for more candy or trying to take more herself. Like she needed more. I was a little embarrassed. You can see all the pictures I took on flickr.