Need A Smile

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE

America's Unique

- Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

- Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

- Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

- Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

- Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Catfish vs. Orange Roughy

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

No Pets Allowed

Two buddies were out one Saturday, walking their dogs. One had a Doberman Pinscher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"

The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer let him in.

His buddy with the Chihuahua put on his pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The man exclaimed, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"