Star Wars Redneck and New Drugs on the Market

Star Wars Version of "You Might Be a Redneck If..."

- Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

- You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

- You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.

- At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored

- There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder

- You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder

- You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok

- You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks

- You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

- You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

- The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.

- Wookies are offended by your B.O.


New Drugs on the Market

St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

Flipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a really bad club music CD or a book by that awful television doctor.

Jack Asspirin - Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Ragamet - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.